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When Love Takes Over

July 18, 2014

My mother is getting married next Friday and she couldn't be happier. I've never seen her this happy. When she first told me, I was shocked and not sure how to react to the news. Married, at 48? Married, for the second time? Married, with three children and another to take on, especially a five year old?! I thought, why fix it if it ain't broke? When I look around, I can count the marriages that have lasted longer than 10 years on one hand. The worst part is, it doesn't faze me anymore. Marriage is just a piece of paper now. Love and marriage is no longer the 'until death do us part' state of mind, it's the 'until I get bored and don't want to work on things anymore'. It got me thinking about finding that one true love. Finding your definition of love and wishing so much that one day it will be right there, staring you in the face. It's scary and exciting, never knowing when it may come. It could be tomorrow, it could be next year, it could be the day you lay to rest. For everyone it is different and for many it will always be unknown. 


For those who don't know me, I'm always searching. I'm always ready for the next minute to arrive and try my hardest to let the current moment linger as long as possible. Sometimes I wish I could stop time just to surrender to a feeling, view or sensation. When I look at my mom, I think she finally found it. That love she has always been searching for. How dare I get in the way with my questions. How dare I question something I may never understand or never feel, and how dare someone do the same to me. Finding love, your love, can be the greatest adventure and your hardest challenge. No one should have a say and no one can take it away. I'm selfish for questioning it. My mother has always put her kids first, put our happiness before hers; how dare I say anything.


My mother is an amazing woman. Her stories continually inspire me and her courage helps me challenge myself. She helps me remember what is important, every intangible thing I take for granted. She taught me how to love.


I couldn't think of anything to buy my mother as a gift. How could I contribute to her happiness with a material item? You can't. It's impossible. Plus, who needs 3 spice racks and new kitchen equipment? As a wedding gift, I surprised her with an old friend. A friend she used to travel the world with, someone she shares endless memories with. He was a huge part of my mothers life as a young adult and a huge part of my childhood. 


The three of us backpacked through France in 1997 before I turned five, unfortunately my memory didn't gather those moments, but the moment I welcomed him to Toronto, I could feel something. This intense happiness and curiosity. Who is this man? I know, knew, nothing about him, but watching my mother walk into my apartment and be greeted by a loved one that she hadn't seen in 16 years, it was priceless. Nobody's going to top that gift, that's for sure!

Finding love is like finding Neverland. You search and search, full of light, hoping the moment will come but still enjoy every second along the way. It must be quite the thrill to find it and fly along with it.

Mom, I wish you a lifetime of the happiness you deserve. Thank you for teaching me to love and showing me its many different shapes and forms. 

Jazz

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